The Christmas episode. Everything is festive and seasonal. James goes on the run in death valley, and Kaleb talks about building a gingerbread boxcar and Hobo Santa. There's even some good time snark, lots of SEO-friendly snark, about Jingle All The Way. And if that's somehow not good enough, get this:

Kaleb has an Oscar screener of The Interview. The entire episode is about the fallout of the Sony hack, and the loss of this wonderful, biting satire which may now be a victim of the times, against the wishes of the American people. We run down the entire thing, scene by scene, line by line, note by note. This is where you should go if you want to know about that movie.


P.S. Are you drunk right now? Feeling sentimental? Got a nice Christmas bonus like they talk about in old-timey movies? Donate to the show. We have $30 toward our 2015 hosting goal of $180, and it'd be great if anybody could help us kill that off so we can never mention donations.

James goes to the doctor. Kaleb talks about the holidays and Merle Haggard and whatever the hell else it was. Also, The Last Exit Show would like to formally acknowledge a great, ghostly 45 from private press purgatory so that we might eventually shed light on it: Frank Thomas - Love You Deep Or Not At All.

P.S. "He's just standing there. Why's he standing there?"

To compete with that NPR show Serial, Kaleb and James have turned the podcast into a serialized science-fiction murder mystery where they investigate a cold case on Mars. Even their unscripted segments now include obtuse hints about the crime, and provide background for the very intricate plot, which spans generations. History, blood, the sins of the father, the conflict between believers and non-believers, the wounded heart of the old weird America, all of it in space.

Also, since we're doing all this work with prestige fiction, maybe toss us a few bucks on paypal at thelastexitshow@gmail.com. We're out of hosting money. Kaleb has to pay for it at the end of the month and he doesn't really have the bread to do it without pain.

How long did James last talking into a microphone where nobody talks back? A crisp ten minutes.

Just a quick marginally spooky test run of a new microphone. Plus, new content to satisfy the content beast. It'll kill you. It wants you dead, this content beast. It's eating New Yorkers. I swear it's true. I've seen it.

This is a one-off, boys and girls. A sad, meandering, unprofessional one-off. Kaleb talks into a microphone at 2 a.m. without his co-host Big Jim Murphy. It goes in a lot of new directions, all of them bad.

Normally we wouldn't allow something like this to happen, but we're taking too much time off between episodes and the content beast must be satisfied. We're struggle podcasters, not Johnny Carson.

If y'all like this, let us know and we'll consider doing hand-offs like this once a month or something. Because it's a struggle getting us both into a room at the same time, what with the ol' time delay.

P.S. Not that it matters, but at some point a Hank Williams song is mentioned but misidentified. The song was "Hey Good Lookin'".

Sketch: James becomes a reporter and has a disagreement with his editor.

Show: The Adventures of SoCal Kaleb And His Solid Gold Lambo. Also, James lists some horror movies, owing to the occasion of the wicked and hedonistic holiday approaching next weekend.

James has a run in with the ghost of Richard Nixon.

Kaleb tries to make himself believe writing is an actual job, then takes a picture.

Cliff teaches Sam how to go off-the-grid.

Kaleb and James continue their True Detective season two scenarios. These will probably have an arc, which we'll get around to at some point.

And Kaleb recaps the Lena Dunham fiasco. Read about it here:

The Vice article.

The Raw Story synopsis.

Wonkette's synopsis.

Editor's Note: we're ditching the PayPal donate button. We didn't get less desperate - it just made this page look like too much of a damn racket. Hosting the show is $15 a month and if you ever feel like tossing a few bucks our way, you know where we're at.

James wrote the sketch this week, which is nice. Somebody tell him to do that more. Really put some pressure on him, or if you live close to him maybe threaten him in an extremely obvious way.

Lots of stuff gets discussed in this return episode. For example: how we were on hiatus but are no longer on hiatus, John Swartzwelder, how Kaleb bought a cowboy hat, etc.

Kaleb and James also play Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughn, so's to reenact our fake True Detective season two shooting script. We'll go back to that well, I bet.

Give us money please.

Kaleb digs a hole and James steadies his nerves against an oncoming storm at work. Then Kaleb plans his career as a hobo. Frasier explains Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to a depressed Cliff.

We'll be taking two weeks off after this episode, because James seriously does have too much work to do. We let this one go long to compensate.

P.S. We're poor. Destitute, really.

This episode was recorded on Labor Day, so we allowed a guest, Nathan Roberson, to write our opening sketch. In the interest of full disclosure, you should know that he was paid The Last Exit Show's usual rate of no money at all. In New York City, this is sometimes called "writing for exposure." He had a line in there that was rewritten at the last minute for being Problematic. Watch as we fumble awkwardly because we forgot to rewrite it in any serious way. We'll be back to the usual routine of me writing sketches the hour before the show tapes starting next week.

We also talk, in scattershot ways, about Bettie Page, 90-year-old drug mules, and video games of all damn things.

If you want to give us money, none of which will be used to pay Nathan Roberson unless that affects your interest in also giving us money, you can do that over here at PayPal. I should probably not include the button every damn week. It comes off as desperate. But I am desperate, so hey.

James goes to prison. Kaleb rides a bike. Cliff teaches Diane how to run a three-card monte racket.

The correct version of that got lost in the shuffle when we migrated from Podomatic to Libsyn, and the one on here now is broken, inexplicably short by 8 minutes or some such thing. I'm going to fix it and reupload it. Delete your original version if you care about such things.

Update: the episode is now fixed.

Sketch: The Hugely Inappropriate Last Role of a Legendary Actor. (Inspired by the death of Lauren Bacall, who was in an episode of Family Guy, but also inspired by every other actor who has ever lived.)

James goes to a sex store, because I guess he's gunning for a gig at Vice. Kaleb drives to the middle of nowhere.

Movie Recommendations for Miserable People: The Vanishing, Pay Day.

Give us some money if you're a wayfaring rich guy. Libsyn is expensive.

James meets Kaleb in the distant future: 1975.

Kaleb tries to tell a story about Jimmy Cliff. James decides it's a good idea to break the news of Robin Williams' death about halfway through this story, ruining everything.

We're now on Libsyn in earnest. So I gotta do these descriptions right.

There's an opening sketch. We're trying to do a sketch every week to keep the writing muscles limber. We're also doing this as a sort of anti-improv mission statement.

We talk about the passing of Kaleb's hero, Jim Rockford. We also talk about Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and outsider art phenomenon LEWIS. This was recorded prior to his discovery, unfortunately, but hey, that's just this business.

Donate to the cause if you want. We're both dead broke. Beyond broke.

Alright. We're caught up. This is the first Libsyn-exclusive episode. No more Podomatic for us. Not ever. Unless people don't donate when our money runs out. Then we'll probably wind up there again. But hey, right now it's time for big, shimmering statements of optimism.

I remember nothing about this episode because Podomatic ran out of bandwidth and I got distracted. We did a sketch. Thanks to everybody who helped us get here. Another new episode next Saturday.

Please donate on PayPal at thelastexitshow@gmail.com

Kaleb books a flight to London. Bobby Womack dies. Dolly Parton plays Glastonbury. Diane convinces Cliff to join her book club.

Kaleb has a misunderstanding with a celebrity. James moves in down the street from some punk kids. Norm asks Frasier for marriage advice.

James returns from his big move as Kaleb slowly remembers how to have a conversation. Cliff presents Sam with an investment opportunity.

The Last Exit gets its first sponsor. James talks about Hannibal. Kaleb talks about some direct-to-DVD ephemera from 10 years ago.

Kaleb makes plans, gets an unexpected phone call, and goes to the dentist. James goes to the FA Cup. Louie falls asleep at an afterparty and meets a woman who isn't what she seems.

James sings, Kaleb swings. Trains are discussed. Flannery O'Connor is discussed. And, always and forever, modernity comes first.

Wow, my batting average for doing a legitimate episode description in the Podomatic days was horrible. I guess I just figured putting on an amazing podcast was enough.

Anyway, we definitely talked about Sam Phillips in this episode.

Kaleb almost goes to jail again. James discovers obscure American singer Jimmie Rodgers. Both hosts make fun of Ricky Gervais, the atheist actor. Sam has difficulty connecting with Diane.

Great. Another episode where I was so burned out that I didn't do a synopsis. I think this was the episode where I explained the mission behind the photo/caption project I did with quartzcity.

Here was the project. It's dormant now, but it's good stuff.

Sleazy motel reviews and talk about John Jeremiah Sullivan's piece on mysterious blueswoman Geechie Wiley.

Big Jim Murphy tries to orchestrate the murder of one Kaleb Horton, in the year of our Lord 2017.

Again I failed on this episode's original publication. No idea what was in this one. Good title though. Swear I'll come back to it, teacher. I'll take the C+ and it'll be fine. I've been having trouble at home, teacher. I got a hard life, see.

Damn. Another episode where I didn't listen to playback and tried to "clever" my way out of it, like a kid who blew a homework assignment and wrote "grading is actually bad for a child's development." I'll come back to this. Maybe. Look, it's another hour of show from us. I don't really think it matters. It can't matter.

The Last Exit goes for a drive to the wrong side of town. Also, Kaleb steals from a preacher's boy.

Note: I mentioned that I took all these pictures I've been using, right? Isn't that cool? Very creative. Good job, Kaleb. You're really talented. You're "I want to buy a print from you for $100 immediately" talented.

The original description for this episode was as follows:

"We don't remember what we talked about. Nothing matters. Sleep paralysis and the devil and stuff, we guess."

I'll allow it.

Russian UFOs, English theatre, Friday the 13th, American cop shows - par for the course, really.

Kaleb's Johnny Depp impression, aimless bullshitting about cop shows, and James does a bad thing in London. Bonus: a few minutes of Kaleb trying and failing to host the show alone.

Kaleb and James dedicate an entire episode to their appreciation of Bob Dylan*. Features our top 50 BOB DYLAN songs, our top 50 BOB DYLAN interviews, and our countdown of the best BOB DYLAN influenced moments in pop culture.

*Haha, no.

The original episode description for this was too embarrassing to repurpose. We talked about Pete Seeger, who had recently died and Kaleb thought sounded too educated. We also talked about famous people who have killed people with helicopters. But in a funny way, not a libelous way.

As a treat to themselves for the milestone fiftieth episode, your hosts drop the self-placed embargo on chatting about Johnny Cash and spend about fifty minutes on the Man In Black. Hopefully it will never happen again.

P.S. That picture up there is the first picture I ever took. It's in Tehachapi. Same place where our first 39 episodes are buried. You won't find them. They're too well hidden. There are no markers. There's no trail. Don't try.

Recapping the D*****t fiasco that seems it was only a dream and certainly, above all else, never happened.

D*****t never happened. It does not exist. We at The Last Exit are totally confused about and alienated by what Kaleb was ever talking about. Ignore any mentions of it, so that it might die.

Also, 2013 in review.

A new year*. A new season. Discussion about the holiday season and those post-apocalypse southern gothic D*****t cartoons S***t A***s has been doing. Not Kaleb. S***t A***s.**

*Here, we meant 2014. This year. Not a new year anymore. It's over halfway over, actually. We weren't expecting this show to ever be reposted in August.

**All references to the content in question have been censored, because none of this ever happened, to the best of our knowledge. You'd be wise to turn around and just go on back to your house and forget you ever heard any of this stuff, alright? Go home.

A very special* feature-length episode. Kaleb and James look at Christmas films, Christmas songs, Christmas doom, and Frank Black.

*Here, "very special" means "we both thought it was cowardly to take a week off for the holidays." It is not a declaration of quality or even novelty.

I think this is the episode where Kaleb read Nick Tosches' Hellfire and couldn't shut up about it for so much as one second. The Last Exit Show hates real killers and we would certainly never tell a story about one. Nobody likes that kind of thing.

Damn it, the episode description to this one was just me asking people to pay for an eventual Libsyn subscription. I'll come back to it later this week. I swear I'll come back to it and fix this. (I probably won't.)

I'm going to recycle the podomatic episode descriptions even when it's embarrassing. This one is embarrassing because "ennui" is a pretentious word.

Thanksgiving.
California ennui.
General misery.

Kaleb has the flu but decides to record anyway. Discussion topics include the sickbed of David Letterman, all-nighters, and hate.

Originally aired around Halloween, 2013.

Lou Reed dies. Kaleb's grandmother dies and he really gets it all out there, really uses the podcast as therapy, right? Catharsis or whatever? Very sad thing. Some talk about Halloween, as well.

This was originally recorded in late 2013.

Kaleb talks about fire and James talks about rain. Willie Nelson comes up, as he will continue to do.

James does a sketch where the hosts play old-time radio newsmen.

Kaleb talks about Lonesome Dove, which he was just discovering somehow.

This is The Last Exit Show.

We're a comedy podcast. The comedy podcast for you to stagger into after all the reputable comedy podcasts have closed, where improv kids are regarded with deep skepticism and happy people are banned outright.

We talk, we do sketches, we try to be funny sometimes but we don't force it when we have something interesting to say, and we've been doing it awhile. This episode is for people just discovering the show on Libsyn. It's also a way to hunker down and get nostalgic if you've been listening for a long time. There are a few of you, and I can prove it.

It's not our first episode, of course. How insane would that be, to preserve our first episode for the whole world to see? It was probably just a collection of "umms" and ironic belligerence. Besides, it's gone. I threw it away. It's buried six feet underground in a train yard in Tehachapi.

Our archive, such as it is, starts at episode 40. Episode 40 is when we found an EQ method we were content with, had pop screens, real mics, and consistent volume leveling. Before that, there were usually audio problems that we blindly tolerated because we had no idea the show would survive this long. Maybe someday we'll do a "best of the first 40," but you don't need to hear the whole thing, unedited.

Episode 40 is the first episode we don't have to apologize for. Much. So it's the first episode you'll be hearing after this. I hope you enjoy. We put a lot of work into it. Tell your friends. Subscribe on iTunes when that feature becomes available.

Follow us on Twitter:
Kaleb.
James.

Email us:
thelastexitshow@gmail.com

Good night. Come on back next week. We air on Saturdays.